A letter to Bravissimo

Dear Bravissimo,

You know the saying mutton dressed as lamb, unfortunately when I go bra shopping I’m left feeling lamb dressed as mutton. I understand that bigger cups means more material but come on, we don’t need thhhatt much material!

When Maddey and I were younger we would put a massive bra on our heads and have a giggle, questioning who would/ could have boobs that big. Turns out it’s me, my boobs really are that big.

The women in the Patterson household represent the world of boobs. Small, Medium and EXTRA EXTRA LARGE. Mum’s the smallest, her bras are lacey and pretty, you’ll often see her styling a Ted Baker one  how fancy!. Maddey buys her bras from Victoria’s Secret or Boux Avenue; these have the real wow factor. Every colour under the sun with sparkles, lace, bows, padding, push-ups, plunge backs, you name it she’s got it. My bras… well they are basic. Not basic like classic. reaaal basic. reaaal boring.

As a young woman with massive nunga-nungas that’s for you Dave the Laugh, I want to feel like everyone else...everyone else with smaller boobs. On occasion, a satin/basic bra is needed but sometimes you want to wear something different, something “fashionable”. As I scroll through your website and flick through the brochure I’m not left feeling inspired. I see hundreds of practical options; nudes, blacks, blues. I don’t see anything fun. For me, your patterns are too dated and colour schemes.. I’m going to say it.. are granny-ish.

Comfort is a major part of a bra, and don’t get me wrong you bras are the comfiest! They fit like a glove… that is after I have had a fitting, trying every bra..in every size. But I don’t think they represent the young woman of today. Realistically, your target audience probably isn’t 20-25year olds and therefore your designs will mirror this. However, you are in a position to change the way 20-25yrs look at their bodies and boobs.

Remember that girl at school that was smart, arty, everyones friend and somehow really good at Netball (she probably played county-its fine i didn’t want to play anyway). *eyyye roll, I’m not jealous promise* Well thats my reaction when I see girls with envious boobs well done Mad your boobs are great.

So if I could tell you what I want to see more of, this is what I would start with:

  • sparkles- a few diamonités never hurt anyone or how about glittery material???
  • scalloped edging- nothing is more boring than just an edge, why can’t we have some scalloped edging or lace to finish the cup off softly.
  • colour schemes- less lilac more ‘fashionable’ colours; khaki, mustard yellow, bright pinks and reds etc.
  • more lace less flowers
  • straps- The size of the straps are huge (I’m sure they have to be to help keep ’em up) but have you thought about making the straps look pretty. The obvious is lace edges but make sure it’s more than just a small irritating hoop!

A girl can dream right??!

As a big-boobed gal there’s a pretty short list to where I can shop for bras, if I got a pound everytime someone says ‘have you tried M&S?’ I would be a very very rich girl! Gwen Stefani rich. Bravissimo and the in-store staff are the best, and I’m not just going there because they are the only place that fits me… I would recommend them to anyone, of any age. I love the ethos and determination to help those that have to carry a weekly food shop.. on their chest!!!

Sometimes it hard being a woman, do guys realise how hard it is to multitask??

…like walking and not falling over your boobs is an Olympic sport. I deserve a medal. wheres my medal Seb??

Yours,

El- TPS X

PS. Your lighting in the Newcastle branch is still rubbish!!!!!!

PPS. I hope too see you in Tokyo 2020

And they called it pyjama love

If you’re anything like me, no matter the time of day if I’m in the house I have pyjamas, a dressing gown and slippers on. Is there a better feeling than being all cosy, comfy and warm?! Image result for dressing gown memes

As well as shopping in Boux Avenue for my underwear, I also ADORE their pyjamas. They are the softest material ever and just simply amazing. I have Christmas PJs, fluffy PJs, lightweight ones for summer, dressing gowns, onesies, fluffy socks and many many more stuff. The dressing gown I have from Boux goes down to my mid shin as I’m only 5ft2 AND A HALF. So, personally, I prefer the ones that come to above your knee. The style top I prefer is the tank top, they are always so so soft and fit nicely. These tops are often come with shorts and I love that! I’m not a huge fan of full leg PJs bottoms simply because they are always too big for me. The only issue I have though is that I need a size 10 to fit my boobs, but sometimes an 8 or even a 6 for my bottoms, but they come together (top and shorts) as size 10 or 8. So, I either have a top too tight or bottoms far too big and far too easy for Ellie to keg me Thank you very much, Eleanor.

But I thought I’d show you my favourite PJs and dressing gowns available in Boux Avenue now:

Favourite short sets

1.2. Pretty pig vest and shorts set3. Bunny tee and shorts set

Favourite pants and pant sets:

4. 5. Minky heart fleece pants6. 

Favourite dressing gowns (robes as they call them on their website, how posh lol):

7. Star robe8. Neon star fleece robe9. Winnie waffle robe

  1. http://www.bouxavenue.com/pyjamas/be-merry-and-bright-vest-and-shorts-set/202074.html?dwvar_202074_color=01EX&dwvar_202074_dressSize=06&cgid=1000038#p=3&start=60  (yes, they’re Christmas themes and it’s January BUT they’re still amazing)
  2. http://www.bouxavenue.com/pyjamas/pretty-pig-vest-and-shorts-set/202075.html?dwvar_202075_dressSize=06&dwvar_202075_color=20PX&cgid=1000038#p=3&start=67   (I’m wearing these exact ones as I’m writing this!!!)
  3. http://www.bouxavenue.com/pyjamas/bunny-tee-and-shorts-set/202017_10IX06.html?cgid=1000038#p=3&cgid=1000038&format=ajax&start=66
  4. http://www.bouxavenue.com/pyjamas/grumpy-but-gorgeous-vest-and-pants-set/202072.html?dwvar_202072_dressSize=08&dwvar_202072_color=40RX&cgid=1000038
  5. http://www.bouxavenue.com/pyjamas/minky-heart-fleece-pants/201821.html?cgid=1000038&dwvar_201821_color=20PX&dwvar_201821_dressSize=18
  6. http://www.bouxavenue.com/pyjamas/sleep-less-dream-more-pyjama-set/202311.html?dwvar_202311_dressSize=06&dwvar_202311_color=70NV&cgid=1000038
  7. http://www.bouxavenue.com/robes/star-robe/202080.html?dwvar_202080_color=20PX&dwvar_202080_dressSize=S&cgid=1000042
  8. http://www.bouxavenue.com/robes/neon-star-fleece-robe/201920.html?cgid=1000042&dwvar_201920_dressSize=S&dwvar_201920_color=50NC
  9. http://www.bouxavenue.com/robes/winnie-waffle-robe/202084.html?dwvar_202084_color=10IV&dwvar_202084_dressSize=M&cgid=1000042

 

A rant about…

So after ‘A rant about trends’, I realised there are a lot of things I really hate that are in fashion right now. So ‘A rant about…’ is going to become a series. This way my family don’t need to hear me go on and on about the stupid things I have seen that day.

Firstly on todays rant. CAMO. Camouflage should be worn for practical reasons, like y’no fighting in war. There is no need to look like a forest when you are doing your food shop. “Camouflage is the use of any combination of materials, coloration, or illumination for concealment” but you aren’t disguising yourself, you just look like a tit. likeeee seriously please stop wearing a camo tracksuit. we CAN see you and it ain’t working sweetie.  Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 16.23.18

look over there, theres just a floating head…btw that joke needs to stop, its tragic. yes Maddey that includes you.

OOOH cute top, oh wait it has GRL BOSS written all over it. Why are slogans a thing? Over the years slogans have been creeping into main stream fashion… Topshop, ZARA and possibly even River Island (but we don’t go in there). There are some slogans that I don’t mind, I’m looking at you Wildfox but in the high-street the slogans are really cheesy. Sadly these high street chains think they are Brielliant.  I just don’t understand them, what does frANTIc romANTIc even mean? Maddey and I popped into ZARA and there was a T-shirt with a printed slogan of  ‘This could be a ——- existential slogan on it. sorry come again… WTAF. Or this really really random slogan ‘i like you more than unicorns and ice-cream together.’Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 16.23.59

I am a trainer lover. Im very basic with my trainers, converse, superstars, Rosheruns. As I’m all about honesty, I have a pair of air max., the classic ones in baby pink… when I wear them I walk with a bounce. But there are some I can’t deal with…Air Max 97. I don’t even know if thats their name. But I know they are so bad.. so so bad! I’m not sure where I start to describe this shoe. For some reason this shoe reminds me of Sportacus from Lazytown or those trainers you had to wear if you forgot your own in P.E. I think I will just let a picture describe them.

Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 16.10.33

 

Or theseScreen Shot 2017-12-11 at 20.45.03.png

enough said.

Is there anything worse on this planet than a girl wearing cheap leggings. They are as transparent as a window. I really don’t want to see your crack munching on a thong. I am aware that leggings are very very comfy some days when you can’t be arsed a pair of leggings and a PINK sweater will make everything ok. Also, never pair leggings with a crop top. It is truly terrible. As blair Waldorf says tights are not pants…and leggings are not trousers. Please, please, pleaseplease, buy the more expensive leggings. Goodbye Primark hello Marks and Spencer.

Well there are some of this weeks worst things… I wonder what will be next…..

EL

TPS X

Christmas party dresses under £50

The words Christmas party might fill you with excitement or it could bring back that embarrassing mistake last year, just try not to get with your boss… again…Deciding on a winter party dress is hard… to save you hours of walking around the shops, here are some of our favourite dresses for under £50.

A classic black dress cannot be beaten. A little black dress, black accessories and sparkly shoes. I love a jacket, so I like to pair a LBD with a leather jacket… or a suede jacket… or a biker jacket…. or a blazer…. I’m sure you get the pictureScreen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.23.35

 1..PLT black dress- £22.00 2.ZARA fringed black dress-£39.99 3.ZARA sequin black dress-£29.99

Remember that trend where everything was velvet?? Velvet pants, velvet tops, velvet puffa coats. velvet, velvet, velvet. Walking through Topshop was like walking through a jungle of velvet.. you’d be lucky if you made it out alive. Well once a year that trend comes round again. A velvet dress speaks for its self. Simple shoes, a clutch bag and sparkly makeup finishes the look. Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.26.04

1.ASOS Deep V pleated velvet dress-£48.00   2.ASOS velvet dress- £45.00

Nothing screams, ‘my nips are so frozen they might fall off’ quite like this dress!! For VIP entry to Santa’s grotto, style the dress with messy hair a bold lip or eye makeup. If you fancy a jacket, this dress would look amazing with a fur (faux) jacket.Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.27.28

Love Triangle V neck mini dress- £45.00

Dresses become way more fun at christmas. Feather trims are a personal favourite… one day I will get round to making my feather trimmed jeans. You can either keep it classic; clutch bag, nude heels or you can be bold, colour block. Why not pair the dress with an bright bag?Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.33.52

Topshop Feather slip mini-£39.00

Give me an S, give me an E, give me a Q… who am I kidding, I’m not a cheerleader but Maddey is.. go cheer society!! Sequins are the regular persons diamond. In an ideal world the dress would be covered in crystals, I would also have a body guard stopping anyone coming within five metres of me. Until that day, I will have to dance in sequins and moan every time someone accidentally touches me.Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.36.10.jpg

1.River Island gold sequin dress- £40.00 2. ZARA sequin dress- £39.99  3.River Island sequin dress-£30.00

Hope we have given you a few ideas or starting points for dresses this season. Im sure you will look 10/10 in anything!

Do you ever think at the North Pole Christmas party one of the elves gets with the boss man, and then the next day all elves are talking about Jane from packaging getting drunk and kiss santa in the workshop? Cos I do…

TPS X

21st century Catfish

I think we all know a classic Catfish, granted they don’t take it to the extreme and Nev won’t need to investigate but a Catfish nevertheless. The best and worst part of social media is how easy it is to look ‘put together’. I love social media and following a mix of people lives but I understand that what I am seeing isn’t 100% true.

We all know the programme, we all love the programme. The idea of Catfishing someone is amusing. We laugh as the poor people honestly believe that they are dating Katy Perry. I am always flabbergasted in how far into a relationship people are and where they think it will go. Watching it you go ‘how? clearly that’s not them’. In an awful way, half the time I’m thinking mate they are way out your league there is no way which is a shocking thing to think.. because personality should be above EVERYTHING else blah blah blah

Scrolling through Instagram, my feed is filled of people I know and complete strangers. Sometimes I forget that these pictures I look at are actual people. Now don’t get me wrong, you are not going to put up a minging photo of your self online. Unless your mate has taken a shocker then be sure you’ll get a tag. For the majority of people I know, I see your pictures and think ‘yeah fair do’s your face looks like that’. The minority, I’m thinking ‘who dis? Seriously, you don’t look like that.’ 

Back in the day, you would Catfish someone with a different picture. yeah honestly i look like Beyoncé. Now its all about the pose, the filter and the caption. Out of those three, the caption is the most important to me. There is nothing better than a witty pun, people think I just think of them straight away. Heres the truth, I spend HOURS, actually hours thinking about a pun or a funny comment for people to scroll past it without realising it. what’s the point, please start praising me. IMG_3512

In one of my last posts, I ranted about some trends which I think are stupid! One trend that I just don’t really get is makeup. Makeup on steroids. Walking down the street, I look at girls and think how long has it taken you to do that. It will be 9.00am and there are girls that look like they are going out… y’no out out. I have about 10 minutes to get ready because the 5 alarms I set didn’t wake me from my dreams. Not going to lie, I wake up looking like a dragon, literally no amount of makeup will hide that. ‘Instagram’ makeup, which was once a night out look, has become an everyday look for so many girls. The caked-on foundation, the brown contour and the highlight that is not sparkly but grey. Eyeshadow, fake lashes and mahoosive eyebrows.  I often wonder what I would look like if I went for the ‘insta look’. Would I look like Kim Kardashian or Kim Carcrashian???? Obviously, people are free to do what ever they want with their bodies, you do you sweetie. But come on, we are all individuals in this world, so why is everyone wearing the exact same makeup look. Girls, you don’t need to cover you skin with so much foundation, we all know what skin should look like. Honestly ladies, I can hear your skin singing both Chris’ and Jordins parts of No Air.

Snap filters used to be a fun thing to send to your pals, wheyyy look at me I swapped my face with my brother, now people actually put a snapfilter selfie on social media. WHY?! Someone please explain to me why?! Clearly you don’t have butterflies flying around your head 24/7. Nor are you a dog. I don’t find it cute or funny, I find it strange. What is wrong with a good old Instagram filter. Oh and that ‘beauty’ filter isn’t beautiful, it gives me the strangest colouring.. come on snapchat I don’t actually want to look like a marshmallow. Pairing the makeup and the snap filters always leaves me questioning who is Jack and who is Jill? Also, do you ever think how many Tinder dates are currently sat next to each other without realising…*20 minutes later*…”God you look different.. where are your butterflies?”

The catfish phenomenon needs to be stopped. Maybe one day people will stop hiding behind a filter and become part of the real world… and stop whacking all that highlight on. It’s not brighter than your future, its greyer than tarmac.

El

TPS X

PS the answer to your question, defiantly Kim CarcrashianIMG_3521

Winter is the best.

I live everyday knowing I’m one day closer to Christmas. FYI its 40 days till Santa. Every year, November hits me straight in the face and I realise that another year has just about passed and my summer body was never existent. Lucky for me a baggy jumper is right down my chimney  up my street.

One of the best things about winter is Sugar..Oh sugar, I’m getting fat. It’s amazing how much sugar I consume in winter. I was told in a British chain coffee house, that they only go up to medium in their christmas hot chocolates is because of the amount of calories in a Large….its around 600 calories… for a drink! Now I’m a big fan of routines so I’ll see my barista on Friday for my Black forrest hot chocolate…yes hi me again.

Food at Christmas (and in general if you’re part of the Patterson family) is the gift that keeps on giving, the gift of all gifts. On the come down from the sugar high, the food you consume is unbelievable. Massive plates of home cooked goodness- what more could you want. Camembert straight from the aga, a stick of fresh bread I don’t have to be gluten free everyday. What a combo. Brie and Cranberry sandwiches. Mince and Dumplings. mashed potatoes and roasted potatoes. It’s simply the best!

TV also suddenly improves, we go from soaps which are getting ridiculous to films. Christmas films, blockbuster films to that shockingly bad film on channel 5 that is so bad its good! And then everyone’s favourite winter moment… Harry Potter- one film everyday! You’re a wizard ITV. I’ve already started the Christmas films with what is, by far, the best film ever. NATIVITY. It doesn’t matter if you are more Gordon Shakespeare than Mr Poppy or if you associate more with Bobby and you’re upset because you haven’t got a part in the play. You WILL love this film. Surely, everyone likes this film. Hollywood did.

I was walking around House of Fraser recently doing that ‘if I had the money’ shopping.. my brain basket had sparkles, velvet dresses and fur. Honestly, if I had the money I would be a different girl. You don’t get this style in the summer, everything at summer is neon and cropped…. no me gusta. I won’t shock the nation by saying a winter must have is a coat…. i’ll give you sometime for that to sink in….. I am lover of a Shearling coat. I have quiet the flock of them, all varying in colours and lengths. Then you pair that with a scarf, so big that it could double up as a blanket. We all know what scarfs I’m talking about.. HIYA ZARA… the one winter style everyone rocks. If I’m not wearing a Sheepskin its probably a cheeky little All Saints number.

If you fancy a new coat here are some of my favourites:

coats I SWEAR by All Saints for coats and jackets. Invest now and have it for life..or until next christmas when you get another!

All Saints- PAX PUFFER JACKET       All Saints- MARR COAT (INK BLUE)

Now this coat is for the girls that don’t live on farms. I tried this on and thought it was really cool then I remembered where I live. not for you farm girl. This coat really channels those art student polar bears. They are very artic-stic.

FrenchConnection- FAUX FUR

Here is the classic North East coat. No, not that Paul’s Boutique coat. Barbour. Pure waxy belta. Oh how I want this coat, I don’t have a Waxed coat in my wardrobe. I’ve had a couple Barbour jackets, sadly I can confirm that they don’t grow with you. Now I’m an adult and have stopped growing…upwards…I can buy* one for life.

WAXED JACKET

*hint hint anyone can buy me one

In the words of Jon Snow winter is coming and I’m so bloody happy about it. If you aint wearing 50 layers, drinking hot chocolates and nibbling on a Greggs festive bake then go have a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, this is England. We go crazy when a single snowflake falls to the ground. We remind every person we see that it is cold or how surprised we are at the dark nights. As its Christmas I will like every christmas hot chocolate picture on Insta, unless you’re having like 4 a day then think of the calories! 

Be merry, drink sherry and don’t eat yellow snow.

EL

TPS X

 

 

 

A mini rant about trends.

Do you ever walk down the street and say to yourself “but why???” I do, I’m all about being who you are and expressing yourself but i’m not being funny some of these beauty trends need to stop. For most girls, experimenting with makeup stops around 15 when you realised how to put it on and that those stupid sponge ‘brushes’ that put eye shadow on are shit.

I was never a massive makeup fan when I was younger… well I did have that mouse foundation which was the craze. Anyone else go for a very very light foundation, lighter than you needed to give you that flawless finish?! That was it for face, you kept the foundation on your lips as it was like a  nude lipstick. A little bit of mascara, borrowed off your mum and you were away. NOT ANYMORE. I see 14 years walking around with faces that look like they’ve been carved by Michelangelo. Have you ever eaten marmite on toast, and you can’t fit it all in your mouth so you get marmite on your checks?? maybe that’s just me..well that’s the contour. Eyebrows that are not eyebrows. I actually don’t know what they are? Thick, black, a fade that is extra faded. Eyeshadow and eyeliner which is so sharp it could kill. Highlight that is on Ecstasy. It goes so high up, basically everything is highlighted. I blame the Kardashians….. You will notice, now I’ve pointed it out this makeup trend, that you can no longer see any person behind the makeup. Every girl looks the same. Same colour face, same eyebrows, same everything. Makeup to me is about enhancing not hiding! Sometimes less is more.

Crop top!!!! Crop should get the chop. Why is everything cropped??? I used to shop in Topshop now I shop in ZARA don’t know if I have said but I shop in Zara. Every Jumper and t-shirt in Topshop was cropped, is cropped and will be cropped. Auto correct wants Topshop to be Toyshop which is very fitting considering there clothes would only fit Barbies. I am a massive lover of jumpers. My go to is jumper and jeans… I have bought some cropped jumpers from Topshop and they are soooooo annoying. I wear jumpers because I’m cold, so having my stomach out in the middle of winter isn’t helping. When did it become a trend? I always thought trends come and go. Why hasn’t this trend gone???

Another thing on my rant list is merchandise. Have you ever noticed how many girls are walking around with Nirvana slogan tops. The only reason girls know of the band is because Little Mix did a cover… don’t actually know if that’s true. Buying tour merch is part of the show.. you buy the tour t-shirt so you can have a new pj top. Not so you wear it in public. Right now you can buy a top from a well known Toyshop (yes I actually mean Topshop) that has KISS across the front. Its not cool, or grungy. You are not a fan of the band if all you have heard is one song, but can’t remember how it goes. Now I could wear a 1D top out and about, I could sing all their songs just like that. Hi Harry Styles, call me. But I won’t, why? because its a pyjama top!!

Thigh high boots. Hear me out. Picture this: I go on insta, I’m scrolling down. I stop. WOW she’s so cool, her thigh high boots look amazing, you can see the quality, bet they are designer, oh nice Stuart Weitzman. I scroll a little more, a girl wearing a cheap version that have fallen down because the fabric is rubbish. That is what I hate, the cheap version! Who wants to tell people that they ain’t stylish. Oh and pairing them with a mini, still isn’t channelling the 60’s.

Belts are handy things. They stop people being able to see your crack.. however, belts recently have became something else. The humble belt has evolved into a corset-like item. This corset belt is truly hideous, especially when it is worn over a t-shirt. If you are wanting to channel Agatha Trunchbull then head to ZARA, they have loads of them. Unfortunately halloween has already past so you will have to wait until next year to dress up as a scary, hammer throwing, head teacher. Just because a designer did it on a runway doesn’t mean it looks good. If I ever see anyone wearing one I will send them to the chokey, to teach them a lesson. This trend shouldn’t be a trend, lets keep the belt as just a belt, cheers. Just so you know I’m right and you’re wrong, and theres no thing you can do about it.Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 12.32.47

My last one, I don’t even know what it is. Basically, you get a dress then you take a pair of scissors to it. Are these still clothes, half the material is gone?? Like there’s a front of the dress and a back but the side is just some string. I think some people call these ‘Cut outs’. Cut outs to the extreme. Now I don’t want to sound rude, and if you like them, you like them but when I see them I just think stripper. Wheres your pole babes?? I’m the pole-r opposite, I like to have the full dress and have people think that I look ‘boring’ than have people think I look cheaper than a happy meal.

If you are reading this and think what a bitch I love all these trends. Then you go Glenn Coco, no-one is stopping you! But if you are agreeing with me then you are either, old..er than young, are a friend and we have discussed it or you are Maddey.

Please don’t take offence to my tongue-in- cheek, you need to be strong, as strong as the lace holding your dress in place.

TPS X