A rant about…

So after ‘A rant about trends’, I realised there are a lot of things I really hate that are in fashion right now. So ‘A rant about…’ is going to become a series. This way my family don’t need to hear me go on and on about the stupid things I have seen that day.

Firstly on todays rant. CAMO. Camouflage should be worn for practical reasons, like y’no fighting in war. There is no need to look like a forest when you are doing your food shop. “Camouflage is the use of any combination of materials, coloration, or illumination for concealment” but you aren’t disguising yourself, you just look like a tit. likeeee seriously please stop wearing a camo tracksuit. we CAN see you and it ain’t working sweetie.  Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 16.23.18

look over there, theres just a floating head…btw that joke needs to stop, its tragic. yes Maddey that includes you.

OOOH cute top, oh wait it has GRL BOSS written all over it. Why are slogans a thing? Over the years slogans have been creeping into main stream fashion… Topshop, ZARA and possibly even River Island (but we don’t go in there). There are some slogans that I don’t mind, I’m looking at you Wildfox but in the high-street the slogans are really cheesy. Sadly these high street chains think they are Brielliant.  I just don’t understand them, what does frANTIc romANTIc even mean? Maddey and I popped into ZARA and there was a T-shirt with a printed slogan of  ‘This could be a ——- existential slogan on it. sorry come again… WTAF. Or this really really random slogan ‘i like you more than unicorns and ice-cream together.’Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 16.23.59

I am a trainer lover. Im very basic with my trainers, converse, superstars, Rosheruns. As I’m all about honesty, I have a pair of air max., the classic ones in baby pink… when I wear them I walk with a bounce. But there are some I can’t deal with…Air Max 97. I don’t even know if thats their name. But I know they are so bad.. so so bad! I’m not sure where I start to describe this shoe. For some reason this shoe reminds me of Sportacus from Lazytown or those trainers you had to wear if you forgot your own in P.E. I think I will just let a picture describe them.

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Or theseScreen Shot 2017-12-11 at 20.45.03.png

enough said.

Is there anything worse on this planet than a girl wearing cheap leggings. They are as transparent as a window. I really don’t want to see your crack munching on a thong. I am aware that leggings are very very comfy some days when you can’t be arsed a pair of leggings and a PINK sweater will make everything ok. Also, never pair leggings with a crop top. It is truly terrible. As blair Waldorf says tights are not pants…and leggings are not trousers. Please, please, pleaseplease, buy the more expensive leggings. Goodbye Primark hello Marks and Spencer.

Well there are some of this weeks worst things… I wonder what will be next…..

EL

TPS X

Eye shadow palettes you need.

If you don’t get a new eye shadow palette for christmas has santa even been?

Now, I am a bit of a makeup snob so I tend to buy and wear higher end products but there are some great dupes which I will include!

Here are some I think you should get:

Higher end:Screen Shot 2017-11-30 at 19.30.36

1.Laura Mercier Extreme Neutrals palette £45.00 

I got this palette last year from Santa.. I truly love it. I use the matte browns as a shadow shades in my crease then build the glitters on top. The colours are so pigmented so you only need a little on your brush to work with.

2.Naked palettes…£39.50

I love all the Urban Decay Naked palettes, Maddey and I also own all the Naked palettes. My all time favourite is now the Naked HEAT with SMOKY coming a close second! Once again the pigments are crazy strong. Stronger than a double vodka coke. The HEAT is a copper palette which works best with my blue eyes and pale skin. The purples in this palette are too diiiie for! The Smoky palette is full of pressed glitters. The ‘blue’ trio; Amour, Slanted and Dagger are my go-to’s in there.

3.Hourglass Modernist palette- Graphite £56.00

 Just like Maddey, this small palette packs a hefty punch. It is made up of five colours (off-white, gold, brown, blue and silver), the only colours you need for any outfit. This palette doesn’t give you a massive range of colours like the UD’s but it does create a beautiful eye.. its just a shame about the price!!

4.Charlotte Tilbury…£39.00

In case you don’t know, I am a massive CT fan. A foam finger-t-shirt wearing super fan. Mad and I are slowly collecting her Luxury palette looks. So far we are on 7 out of 10. I hope once you have collected them all you get something free. I really rate these palettes, each palette has 4 colours… all you need for a red-carpet look. They also last for agggggeeesss. My day to day go to is Vintage Vamp!

Lower end:Screen Shot 2017-11-30 at 19.36.35

1.NYX ultimate palette £16.00

I often wonder how we survived before this palette. It puts the pop in popular eyeshadow looks. We love the pink row of colours, I also dabble into the yellow and orange to create a ‘sunset’ eye.

2.No.7 stay perfect smoky palette £15

Over the years I have used no.7 eyeshadows and they are great! I would place the eyeshadows at no.7 on my list….sorry terrible joke.

3.Max Factor Jades £9.99

When you don’t have £56.00 to spend on the hourglass one, buy this one!

4.NYX darling damsel £9.00

NYX eyeshadows are fabby. The NYX shadows blend beautifully! This snazzy palette is very similar to the CT Vintage Vamp! If the CT is Kate Winslet this dupe is Kate Winsless. Luckily with the price of this palette you won’t watch your money sink into the unknown!

I hope you get some nice new eyeshadows for christmas.. FYI christmas is around the corner so you really need to start hinting now. *walking around Fenwick ooooh this palette..wink wink.

TPS X

 

(All photos taken from links)

Christmas party dresses under £50

The words Christmas party might fill you with excitement or it could bring back that embarrassing mistake last year, just try not to get with your boss… again…Deciding on a winter party dress is hard… to save you hours of walking around the shops, here are some of our favourite dresses for under £50.

A classic black dress cannot be beaten. A little black dress, black accessories and sparkly shoes. I love a jacket, so I like to pair a LBD with a leather jacket… or a suede jacket… or a biker jacket…. or a blazer…. I’m sure you get the pictureScreen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.23.35

 1..PLT black dress- £22.00 2.ZARA fringed black dress-£39.99 3.ZARA sequin black dress-£29.99

Remember that trend where everything was velvet?? Velvet pants, velvet tops, velvet puffa coats. velvet, velvet, velvet. Walking through Topshop was like walking through a jungle of velvet.. you’d be lucky if you made it out alive. Well once a year that trend comes round again. A velvet dress speaks for its self. Simple shoes, a clutch bag and sparkly makeup finishes the look. Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.26.04

1.ASOS Deep V pleated velvet dress-£48.00   2.ASOS velvet dress- £45.00

Nothing screams, ‘my nips are so frozen they might fall off’ quite like this dress!! For VIP entry to Santa’s grotto, style the dress with messy hair a bold lip or eye makeup. If you fancy a jacket, this dress would look amazing with a fur (faux) jacket.Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.27.28

Love Triangle V neck mini dress- £45.00

Dresses become way more fun at christmas. Feather trims are a personal favourite… one day I will get round to making my feather trimmed jeans. You can either keep it classic; clutch bag, nude heels or you can be bold, colour block. Why not pair the dress with an bright bag?Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.33.52

Topshop Feather slip mini-£39.00

Give me an S, give me an E, give me a Q… who am I kidding, I’m not a cheerleader but Maddey is.. go cheer society!! Sequins are the regular persons diamond. In an ideal world the dress would be covered in crystals, I would also have a body guard stopping anyone coming within five metres of me. Until that day, I will have to dance in sequins and moan every time someone accidentally touches me.Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 21.36.10.jpg

1.River Island gold sequin dress- £40.00 2. ZARA sequin dress- £39.99  3.River Island sequin dress-£30.00

Hope we have given you a few ideas or starting points for dresses this season. Im sure you will look 10/10 in anything!

Do you ever think at the North Pole Christmas party one of the elves gets with the boss man, and then the next day all elves are talking about Jane from packaging getting drunk and kiss santa in the workshop? Cos I do…

TPS X

How to wear bright eyes!

Did you know that smokey eyes are out and bright colours are in??? (not factually correct) You know the saying; Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.. well put those colours on your eyes!

There are some great products out there in the world of makeup all varying in price. Ellie and I adore the NYX ULIMATE Brights palette. £16 for a range of bright colours (a great dupe for Urban Decay Full spectrum palette £43).

For us, the best way to wear colour is too create a base with nude-y colours then build the colour on top. But what do we know??

Heres some inspo for bright eyes:

DSC_0514DSC_0517

IMG_1391DSC_0546DSC_0545

Have fun with colours… you don’t have to go full colour (like the top picture) you could simply run a colour through the crease, like the bottom picture. Or you could use a coloured liner to give you that pop, NYX do some great ones!

One tip: if you are using colours, blend. blend, blend, blend!

TPS X

21st century Catfish

I think we all know a classic Catfish, granted they don’t take it to the extreme and Nev won’t need to investigate but a Catfish nevertheless. The best and worst part of social media is how easy it is to look ‘put together’. I love social media and following a mix of people lives but I understand that what I am seeing isn’t 100% true.

We all know the programme, we all love the programme. The idea of Catfishing someone is amusing. We laugh as the poor people honestly believe that they are dating Katy Perry. I am always flabbergasted in how far into a relationship people are and where they think it will go. Watching it you go ‘how? clearly that’s not them’. In an awful way, half the time I’m thinking mate they are way out your league there is no way which is a shocking thing to think.. because personality should be above EVERYTHING else blah blah blah

Scrolling through Instagram, my feed is filled of people I know and complete strangers. Sometimes I forget that these pictures I look at are actual people. Now don’t get me wrong, you are not going to put up a minging photo of your self online. Unless your mate has taken a shocker then be sure you’ll get a tag. For the majority of people I know, I see your pictures and think ‘yeah fair do’s your face looks like that’. The minority, I’m thinking ‘who dis? Seriously, you don’t look like that.’ 

Back in the day, you would Catfish someone with a different picture. yeah honestly i look like Beyoncé. Now its all about the pose, the filter and the caption. Out of those three, the caption is the most important to me. There is nothing better than a witty pun, people think I just think of them straight away. Heres the truth, I spend HOURS, actually hours thinking about a pun or a funny comment for people to scroll past it without realising it. what’s the point, please start praising me. IMG_3512

In one of my last posts, I ranted about some trends which I think are stupid! One trend that I just don’t really get is makeup. Makeup on steroids. Walking down the street, I look at girls and think how long has it taken you to do that. It will be 9.00am and there are girls that look like they are going out… y’no out out. I have about 10 minutes to get ready because the 5 alarms I set didn’t wake me from my dreams. Not going to lie, I wake up looking like a dragon, literally no amount of makeup will hide that. ‘Instagram’ makeup, which was once a night out look, has become an everyday look for so many girls. The caked-on foundation, the brown contour and the highlight that is not sparkly but grey. Eyeshadow, fake lashes and mahoosive eyebrows.  I often wonder what I would look like if I went for the ‘insta look’. Would I look like Kim Kardashian or Kim Carcrashian???? Obviously, people are free to do what ever they want with their bodies, you do you sweetie. But come on, we are all individuals in this world, so why is everyone wearing the exact same makeup look. Girls, you don’t need to cover you skin with so much foundation, we all know what skin should look like. Honestly ladies, I can hear your skin singing both Chris’ and Jordins parts of No Air.

Snap filters used to be a fun thing to send to your pals, wheyyy look at me I swapped my face with my brother, now people actually put a snapfilter selfie on social media. WHY?! Someone please explain to me why?! Clearly you don’t have butterflies flying around your head 24/7. Nor are you a dog. I don’t find it cute or funny, I find it strange. What is wrong with a good old Instagram filter. Oh and that ‘beauty’ filter isn’t beautiful, it gives me the strangest colouring.. come on snapchat I don’t actually want to look like a marshmallow. Pairing the makeup and the snap filters always leaves me questioning who is Jack and who is Jill? Also, do you ever think how many Tinder dates are currently sat next to each other without realising…*20 minutes later*…”God you look different.. where are your butterflies?”

The catfish phenomenon needs to be stopped. Maybe one day people will stop hiding behind a filter and become part of the real world… and stop whacking all that highlight on. It’s not brighter than your future, its greyer than tarmac.

El

TPS X

PS the answer to your question, defiantly Kim CarcrashianIMG_3521

Not tights…Stockings

ITSSSS CHRISTMASSS!

We will never be too old for a stocking… seriously we will be 99 and still expect Santa to fill our stockings with the essentials… dentures, Tena ladies….

If you have bought the essentials and are needing some extra bits and pieces. Here are some suggestions:

For her:Screen Shot 2017-11-19 at 17.23.50

  1. Marc Jacobs makeup cracker
  2. Fur bobble hat
  3. MAC lipstick
  4. BOUX avenue knickers
  5. Lush bath bombs
  6. My oddballs underwear

For him:Screen Shot 2017-11-19 at 17.29.43

  1. Happy socks
  2. Chanel body wash
  3. Jack Wills hat
  4. Wallet
  5. My oddballs underwear

For Kids:Screen Shot 2017-11-19 at 17.39.53

  1. My oddballs underwear
  2. Pencil case
  3. Unicorn hot water bottle
  4. Voice changer
  5. Skateboard rubbers

We have mentioned Oddball pants for all… these pants are all about raising money and awareness for Testicular Cancer. They are also super comfy, everyone should have a pair if you don’t then you will be the odd one out!

Hopefully you will be stocking up on some of our ideas this year. Fingers crossed mum has picked up on our hints!

TPS X

Winter is the best.

I live everyday knowing I’m one day closer to Christmas. FYI its 40 days till Santa. Every year, November hits me straight in the face and I realise that another year has just about passed and my summer body was never existent. Lucky for me a baggy jumper is right down my chimney  up my street.

One of the best things about winter is Sugar..Oh sugar, I’m getting fat. It’s amazing how much sugar I consume in winter. I was told in a British chain coffee house, that they only go up to medium in their christmas hot chocolates is because of the amount of calories in a Large….its around 600 calories… for a drink! Now I’m a big fan of routines so I’ll see my barista on Friday for my Black forrest hot chocolate…yes hi me again.

Food at Christmas (and in general if you’re part of the Patterson family) is the gift that keeps on giving, the gift of all gifts. On the come down from the sugar high, the food you consume is unbelievable. Massive plates of home cooked goodness- what more could you want. Camembert straight from the aga, a stick of fresh bread I don’t have to be gluten free everyday. What a combo. Brie and Cranberry sandwiches. Mince and Dumplings. mashed potatoes and roasted potatoes. It’s simply the best!

TV also suddenly improves, we go from soaps which are getting ridiculous to films. Christmas films, blockbuster films to that shockingly bad film on channel 5 that is so bad its good! And then everyone’s favourite winter moment… Harry Potter- one film everyday! You’re a wizard ITV. I’ve already started the Christmas films with what is, by far, the best film ever. NATIVITY. It doesn’t matter if you are more Gordon Shakespeare than Mr Poppy or if you associate more with Bobby and you’re upset because you haven’t got a part in the play. You WILL love this film. Surely, everyone likes this film. Hollywood did.

I was walking around House of Fraser recently doing that ‘if I had the money’ shopping.. my brain basket had sparkles, velvet dresses and fur. Honestly, if I had the money I would be a different girl. You don’t get this style in the summer, everything at summer is neon and cropped…. no me gusta. I won’t shock the nation by saying a winter must have is a coat…. i’ll give you sometime for that to sink in….. I am lover of a Shearling coat. I have quiet the flock of them, all varying in colours and lengths. Then you pair that with a scarf, so big that it could double up as a blanket. We all know what scarfs I’m talking about.. HIYA ZARA… the one winter style everyone rocks. If I’m not wearing a Sheepskin its probably a cheeky little All Saints number.

If you fancy a new coat here are some of my favourites:

coats I SWEAR by All Saints for coats and jackets. Invest now and have it for life..or until next christmas when you get another!

All Saints- PAX PUFFER JACKET       All Saints- MARR COAT (INK BLUE)

Now this coat is for the girls that don’t live on farms. I tried this on and thought it was really cool then I remembered where I live. not for you farm girl. This coat really channels those art student polar bears. They are very artic-stic.

FrenchConnection- FAUX FUR

Here is the classic North East coat. No, not that Paul’s Boutique coat. Barbour. Pure waxy belta. Oh how I want this coat, I don’t have a Waxed coat in my wardrobe. I’ve had a couple Barbour jackets, sadly I can confirm that they don’t grow with you. Now I’m an adult and have stopped growing…upwards…I can buy* one for life.

WAXED JACKET

*hint hint anyone can buy me one

In the words of Jon Snow winter is coming and I’m so bloody happy about it. If you aint wearing 50 layers, drinking hot chocolates and nibbling on a Greggs festive bake then go have a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, this is England. We go crazy when a single snowflake falls to the ground. We remind every person we see that it is cold or how surprised we are at the dark nights. As its Christmas I will like every christmas hot chocolate picture on Insta, unless you’re having like 4 a day then think of the calories! 

Be merry, drink sherry and don’t eat yellow snow.

EL

TPS X